It especially becomes a bitch when you stop and look at your life only to realize that you are becoming something you hated for so long.  My brother informed me that his son is afraid of me and doesn’t even like coming to my house when my brother stops by to visit every now and then.  What it all boils down to is that I’m a selfish asshole it seems; my brother didn’t say that but I know that is what it amounts to when you get right down to it.

I get off work and instead of calling and talking to my brother and nephew I get on the computer, maybe play a little bit of WoW.  The weekend rolls around and I spend more time on the computer, or otherwise laying about the house doing things that aren’t cohesive to getting to know my nephew or hanging out with my brother.  Growing up I think I saw my uncle just about as much and needless to say now I don’t exactly hold him in the highest regard.

Now that I stop and think about it I never did have role models that I actually wanted to be like, most of them were people I didn’t want to end up like; for example my father who wasn’t really much in the way of a father.  I thought to myself that I would rather die without having ever had children or a wife rather than even remotely risk becoming the deadbeat, slack-ass piece of shit that he was, and for the most part I have succeeded in that effort, but I never did put much thought into avoiding becoming the secondary characters in my life growing and it looks like now I am paying the price for that oversight.  Now I am faced with the issue of deciding to either put forth the effort to attempt to repair a broken relationship with my nephew and thus my brother or simply say to hell with it and give up before I even begin and simply avoid contact with the nephew completely so that hes not forced to put up with someone he obviously isn’t comfortable around.

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