Achievements to be unlocked?

So at work we have to set a batch of goals ever year that we work towards achieving, however this year it seems they are actually going to make us do this.  We have to accomplish these goals under penalty of losing our bonuses.  Two of my goals are going to drive me nuts, the fist being that I must complete the Portal project where I have to develop a set of internal tools.  We are going soft launch by the beginning of March so I’m under retarded levels of pressure to produce working code at an astronomical rate.

Then comes the part where they financially knee-cap me and make my brain implode all at once; I have to take and pass my RHCSA before the end of the year.  What makes this a pain in the ass is that the company wont pay a single cent towards this since they don’t pay for certs, only coursework done at accredited colleges (see also: CCNA).  Last I priced them a single sitting for the RHCSA is 400$ and its a multiple hour long test (that I will probably have to burn personal time to take in the first place).  To make this even more fun I have to study for this in-between doing my normal duties and coding half of a fairly complex project in which there is no set-in-stone list of features to work on, just a starting list that is subject to change from one week to the next.

To make the turd sandwich slide down just a little bit easier they are trying to wash it down with a 6% raise, but I would almost prefer being given more hours in each day so I have room for code, normal work, studying and still be able to get a decent nights rest, but sadly common sense at work aint that common.

Why Me?

I’ve been spending the past few weeks working with the Yii framework to develop some tools for work that may be adopted organization wide and so far all I can say is that once this shit is done I will never write another fucking line of code in my entire life; I don’t see how people do this shit fro a living honestly.  Every week its been an uphill battle to not wipe out my entire code base, lock my laptop and just walk out the damn door, I am supposed to be maintaining Linux and Unix systems yet I spend the majority of each day reading documentation on code, mangling SQL queries and beating PHP code that barely passes as human legible into shapes that are supposed to resemble actual things.