I really can’t place what it is that bothers me so much, maybe it is the overall lack of oversight and overbearing micro-mangers that makes it hard for me to feel at home here. It could be from the clean and relatively new work-space, all that cleaner getting to my head or something like that. Heck it could even be that I don’t have to lug the computer with me everywhere yet (eventually I will have to participate in the on-call rotation) reminding me that I am basically a company’s property. That might seem like hyperbole but when you work for a Managed Service Provider you are the IT version of a prostitute, you answer to your Pimp and do what they say or you get curbed so fast your head spins at a solid 7200 RPMs. All I know for sure is that after a month and a half I still don’t feel like I belong here and I barely grasp any of the specialized things that I need to in order to carry out the job I have been hired to do.
Sure it might seem premature to be considering another move already, but the fact is that after my previous four years I can’t imagine spending several years in a place where I don’t even feel like part of the team. Rapid movements in the IT field often are looked down upon, but being miserable is a quick way to burn-out and depression and often end up completely ruining you as a person. At the end of my previous gig I found myself unable to care about much of anything and honestly considered just outright quitting without notice, when you reach that point you know something is seriously wrong. The only misgiving I had about outright quitting was the people I worked with; I at least wanted to say goodbye to the various friends I had made over the years
Even attempting to throw myself into projects to keep my skills sharp seems to be less than useful, I end up not having much time to spend on them during the week and on the weekends all I want to do is veg out and not think at all. I think that’s another part that bothers me, I had lots of leeway at the last job in that we oversaw the whole OS as opposed to these selective appliances at the new place that only do one task and our hands are largely tied because the development team controls it all. Not that I have anything against that kind of model on the whole, just that it makes for a very restrictive environment to adapt to coming from a place where we had full authority over servers right up to various software like Oracle where we would hand off to the DBA team.
The main thing I have learned over the past few months is that the grass might look green as hell on the other side of the fence but you can’t see all those sharp nails and shit buried underneath it. Don’t rush into changing jobs just because you don’t like the direction your current employer is taking because you might find yourself in a gilded prison of sorts, trapped by the money in a box made of very solid walls.